At my meditation circle last night, I pulled an oracle card that said ‘Partnership’

I was confused why I got it and said to the holder, ‘I don’t understand why I’m getting this card because my partnership is really happy’

She responded with something to the gist, ‘that’s why you’re getting it, it’s reflecting how well it’s going and also you should celebrate and share it more’

And I realised that I often come and write about the things we’ve worked through and the challenges etc but rarely come to share just how happy we are.

Which we are ❤️

Being the Good Girl won’t get you what you want

What it will do though, is burn you out

I followed all the rules.

I got a great academic education.

A graduate job.

The desire to have a perfect relationship

I've spent years in the realm of relationship and intimacy classes, intensives and communities.

And when I initially got with Matt, I had this desire to the have the perfect relationship and to do it appropriately so that I could teach on it too.

This desire to be perfect showed up in how I consumed social media.

I would read a post by a teacher who I respected about the best way to do a relationship and I would be like, ‘amazing this is how I should create my relationship’

Then I would beat myself up when my relationship didn’t match that

Or I would feel like the good student when it did

One of the practices I've had this past two years since quitting my corporate job is actually to be kinder and gentler to my body over my period.

For background, I have historically had really painful periods where I've had to take painkillers on a regular basis and kind of walk around with a hot water bottle attached to me. They’ve also been irregular for years and they’ve lasted sometimes for a week and they’ve been very heavy.

I faked orgasms in my first long term relationship when I was 19.

We were both pretty clueless when it came to sex.

I didn’t know how to ask for what I wanted.

He was mostly focused on getting his cock in me and to climax as quickly as possible.

This meant our whole sex script revolved around his pleasure.

And that our sex was often painful and uncomfortable for me.

Because penetration happened so quickly.

I’m pretty sure we all desire more turned on, connected relationships. I certainly do! I’ve devoted my life to studying them so that I experience them for myself and then have the joy of sharing what I know with others.

Today I’ve compiled three tips for turning on your relationship, and the great thing about them is that they don’t require any expensive lingerie or s/ex toys. They just require your attention and your willingness to lean into your relationship. I’ve found them to be really useful, I hope you do too X

Things I learned from having a painful clit this year

- I wasted a lot of time feeling shame for my clit experiencing pain. I made myself wrong because I thought I shouldn’t experience anymore pain because I’ve spent so many years healing and doing different s/ex practices. I also catastrophised and became despondent, believing that I was stuck with this discomfort for life and that there was nothing I could do to change it. Basically I went into many of my negative patterns in the face of this experience. And once I stepped out of these, I was able to do practices that helped the energy shift. So I learned (again) that time spent in a negative down spiral of shame and fear achieves nothing except to keep me stuck.

The death of hustle culture and the emergence of flow

Many of us to a greater or lesser extent have bought into hustle culture.

The belief that we are what we do.

That our worth is reliant on productivity.

That the use of our life-force to make things happen that aren’t in congruence with our values is worthwhile

Because if we stick to these values we’ll get love, safety and success

The joy of healing from freeze, overwhelm and depression using the practice of somatic experiencing.

How to experience more pleasure and orgasms by practicing love and approval for what your body is experiencing in the moment

How I transformed a negative pelvis bodywork experience into deeper power, stronger boundaries, trauma release and into creating an empowering journey for other women and their sexuality.