A story about overcoming procrastination

I bought a second-hand keyboard on eBay to help with the back pain from hunching over my laptop too much.

It came and it took me a few days to open the package.

It needed batteries.

It took me a few more days to get them.

I try the keyboard, it works.

I try it again a few days later and realise some keys are broken.

I apply for a refund even though the seller doesn’t accept them.

It gets approved.

I plan to go to the post office to drop it off.

I don’t go.

It becomes this insurmountable task that feels doomed to failure.

I avoid.

I feel despair every time I remember this task or see the keyboard.

I eventually get curious about why this is the case.

Like what memory is driving this avoidance?

What pops up is my first ever online package - that I never returned.

The sense of failure from that still lingers.

It’s coded in my body as this is what happens when I try to return things

and is unconsciously pulling me to repeat the pattern as it feels familiar.

I breathe and bring some attention to the discomfort. I switch my attention to more neutral or enjoyable images and sensations when that gets too much. 

I do this for a while, and throughout the next day or so as it pops up.

Until the belief of ‘this is insurmountable and doomed to failure’ gently subsides and another belief emerges, one rooted in my adult consciousness, that sees the mundaneness of this task and maps out how it’s possible to do it.

I package the keyboard in a burst of productivity.

I drop it off the next day before I meet a friend.