Sex as something women do for men
Growing up, I received messages from the media that sex was something women did for men.
That Men were the ones with the insatiable desires.
Women were the ones for whom sex was unsatisfactory, something initially desired at the start of the relationship because of lust
But that this slowly dwindled over time, where sex was perfunctory
An item on the to-do list to keep the man happy
That one of life’s dilemmas for women, was handling the dance of not wanting sex but doing it out of duty
What the actual fuck.
What these beliefs were essentially saying was…
Women owe men sex - we don’t and they don’t owe it to us either
Women don’t have as much sexual desire as men - not true, it varies in relationships on which partner has more desire and these roles can switch
Female pleasure is hard to evoke - it’s usually straight forward to pleasure a woman, it typically involves starting with going slow and soft and touching/caressing at the edges of her body e.g. face, legs, arms before moving inwards towards her vulva
Sex just gets stale in relationship - sex in long term relationships can deepen and expand in pleasure and creativity with dedication from both partners
Women have to tolerate un-pleasurable sex to keep their partner happy - this is just a whole level of wrong
Men don’t care whether their partner experiences pleasure - most men deeply care about their partner having pleasure, if it’s not happening, both partners need to up their communication and vulnerability about sex, and if you’re with a man who doesn’t care about you experiencing pleasure, this is a huge red flag and move on
I feel all fired up remembering this messaging. How it’s robbed so many people of pleasurable, connected and consensual sex. It’s why I’m so passionate about what I do. Helping women connect with their innate self worth and pleasure in sex and relationships.
