Why becoming more embodied helps you to stop defaulting to your people pleaser persona

I had this experience this other day.

I wanted to do one thing, but I imagined that someone else wanted me to take the opposite action.

This person hadn’t expressed that, in fact all evidence pointed to the contrary, but my brain used them as an inner critic, puppet, avatar to beat myself up with.

In response to this perceived judgement, I felt shame for wanting what I want.

Like I was a bad girl (it was a young part of me that was having these thoughts), and that I would be abandoned and discarded for not complying with someone else’s wishes.

That I was selfish for prioritising my needs.

And as these feelings were arising, a wave of tension, contraction, icky-ness, and nausea swept up through my body.

To the point where I couldn’t fully observe what was happening, I was the scared child. Terrified of rejection, wanting to do whatever was needed to make this sensation stop.

Except then I could breathe, gather support from imagining leaves swaying in the wind, my feet grounded in damp fertile moss and the smell of lichen on my favourite tree. Hold myself and tend to that scared part of me with care and compassion. Validating the pain behind the impulse to self-abandon. 

And the tension settled. 

It arose again and again though, because this stuff for the most part, isn’t one and done. 

Years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to feel the wave of sensation in my body, I wouldn’t have known that there was a young part of me terrified of rejection, I just would have done what I thought the other person wanted. I would have felt resentful and depleted. Angry that they had those imagined needs. And I would have expected them to self abandon when circumstances were reversed. 

Not an ideal way to live, right? 

So what’s the solution? 

It’s building a compassionate, spacious, playful connection to your body, rooted in reverence and right timing.

Contact me if you would like to explore that 🌱